I am writing this entry from an airplane. I am officially in the air and heading to China. This involves a thirteen-hour flight to Beijing, a four-hour layover in Beijing and then a two-hour flight to Chengdu. As Peace Corps volunteers we have been instructed to dress comfortably for the plane ride but by the time we step off the plane in Chengdu we need to be dressed in business casual attire. I folded a pair of slacks and a polo shirt in my carry-on and plan to change clothes during the layover. I am sure the bathroom in Beijing will be packed with eighty-three of us slipping into something less comfortable.
Being on the plane right now is relaxing. There is nothing to do but entertain oneself, eat and sleep. The past two days up to this point have been hectic! Dizzying! Intense! Here’s the fast forward version of what’s been going on…
Returned from Salt Lake City. Brooded over having to leave friends. Exhausted from storage unit project. Tried to catch up on sleep. Wished I could lay on the couch and watch t.v. or outside on the porch and read a book. Went to multiple doctor appointments. Stressed about not having enough money. Had a great time out to dinner with mom. Had dinner with family. Had dinner with friends. Phoned long distance friends. Went to Walgreens. Went to Walgreens again. Focused on my stressed state of mind while Dad packed and re-packed my suitcases. Slept for four hours. Next day drove to Chicago with mom and dad. Reflected on past, present and future. Mom and I cried all the way to Chicago. Met Aunt Bev in hotel lobby. I said goodbye and took the elevator upstairs to begin the official Peace Corps Staging Event.
I can’t figure out a way to describe what this was like. I was really tense most of the time, my palms sweating in hopes that I had all my paperwork completed and correct. The first few people I met were very young. Fresh out of college. Normally this doesn’t matter to me but it started to that day. I could see that probably everyone was nervous and immediately began to find an organizing principle for figuring out who they wanted to connect with. It just drove home the fact that I am not twenty-one or twenty-three and I’m not even going to try to head over to the Taste of Chicago after this training. By the way, the training ended at the respectable hour of seven o’clock.
If you know me at all you know I am an introvert. I really made an effort to be outgoing and chatty with people. I met a lot of cool people and I totally wore myself out. The last hour of training my head was literally throbbing. I felt compelled to join a group heading out for pizza and beer but the truth was all I wanted to do was be alone, take a hot bath and walk around downtown Chicago and feel the breeze on my face. And see citified American people. So I managed to reel myself out of the social current and do exactly that. I took a nice walk along the Chicago River. It felt so damn good.
Afterwards I went back to my room. Ate my dinner. Watched t.v. while I repacked my suitcase and texted my mom about fifteen times. My roommate came back home and gave me the scoop-de-doop about a Facebook group that’s been going on for months with other China 17 members. It is chock full of answers to questions I’ve been asking for months! We turned the lights out at 1130pm and prepared for our early morning departure the next day.
The next morning I woke up before the alarm and turned my attention to my thoughts — those fresh morning thoughts that don’t lie. They were a little hard to deal with to tell you the truth. I was definitely scared. I had thoughts about turning back. Of course the reality is, back to where? To what? It’s not what I want for myself. Then I started wondering if I don’t give myself a chance to settle down or settle in. Am I always on the go? Do I get bored too easily? Is boredom a cover up for something else?
In a few minutes those thoughts settled and a pure electric excitement came over me. Fantastic! I’m headed to China today!
*written June 30, 2011
hey lady… this is so great to be able to ‘follow you’ like this. I just wanted to reply to one thing. Age. Being around those early 20 somethings sometimes will make me feel old – but the big difference is that we know how 2 years will simply disappear into work, play, beers, books etc. And I am so impressed that you are taking this time that so many of us will just let disappear to make a difference, both with whom those you will work and in your own career. Good Luck! -Abigail